Life Lessons

Sometimes I take a breath and really look at my life...
It's not glamorous (I live in tank tops and yoga pants at home),
It's not perfect (I can't tell you how many stains are on my couch),
It's not always beautiful (I have been used as a napkin more times than I can count),
It's not easy (I find myself constantly exhausted and sometimes frustrated)

BUT

Aside from all the craziness, the poop clean-up (yup we are up to 10 times now), the exhaustion, the stains, etc. I see my little man's smile and hear his angelic laugh as he runs through the freezing cold sprinkler and it fills me with joy.  As he pats my clean and dry tank top with wet grass covered hands and tell me to come with, I take of my sunglasses and run through the sprinkler with him thinking that I could do this all day if he never stops laughing.  The more I jump, the harder he laughs.  No matter how fast I run or how cold the water is, he still slowly tries to run around each sprinkle of water.  I'm not quite sure if this works or not.

I'm not sure if his little pool has ever stayed clean for longer than 5 minutes.  I just think he is trying to replicate the beach with little bits of rock, sand, and some grass thrown in for good measure.

I'm not sure if he'll ever go a day without falling down, running into something, banging his head, or just tripping on something in the way.  He is a true boy and usually continues on his journey without a second thought to the new black and blue on his knee.  I know he's hurt if he comes running over to me and snuggles in for a hug and a kiss but it only lasts a moment and then he's off running again.

I'm not sure if it's normal for a child to tell me to "open, open, open," so fast and so many times it sounds like another language.

I'm not sure if it's okay for a child to take a bath with three green beans from the garden and a vacuum wheel.  I asked him to pick some toys and that's what he brought in with him.

I'm sure I'm not a perfect mother.

I'm sure I will never be a perfect mother.

I'm sure I don't want to be a perfect mother as long as my little man knows he's loved and safe and taken care of.

I'm sure that I will lose my patience every once in a while.

I'm sure I will have to clean up poop again.

I'm sure my little man will make me laugh many more times than he makes me cry.

I'm sure one day I will look back and say to myself where did the time go...

This is what I know...

Life ain't always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggles makes you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin' it sweet time

[chorus]
No,life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride

Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life don't work that way

But the struggles makes me stronger
And the changes make me wise
And happiness has its own way of takin' its sweet time

No, life ain't always beautiful
But I know I'll be fine
Hey, life ain't always beautiful
But its a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride

~Gary Allen

This song by Gary Allen truly sums up my life.  Sadly, it's been a long time since I could listen to it because of the music video.  I saw the video once at the gym while my husband was in Fallujah.  One part of the song shows a soldier getting married before he goes off to war, which was exactly like my own life.  There I was crying on the treadmill after watching a music video.  If you get a chance to listen or watch the video make sure you listen to the lyrics because life really is a beautiful ride!

Ah the simple joy of collecting rocks and shells at the beach.

~Katania